ein Jahr mit unserem Sohn

I was fairly diligent in typing up one of these for every month (and subsequently 3 months, then 6) for Adelyn. People always say that you do less with your second (or third, fourth, tenth, whatever) kid. It’s absolutely true, but I always got the impression that it was because you kind of care less. Not that you care less about the kid, but you know, you’ve seen a baby clap their hands or stand for the first time or learn how loudly they can scream. It isn’t new. Now having a second kid, I definitely realize that most people didn’t mean it that way (though perhaps some did) but most just realize that life is too busy. Juggling a baby on top of anything more than what you did before is even more exhausting and even more time consuming, so you either push to your limit to make things the same for this kid, wreck yourself with guilt over how you haven’t, or try to find a balance and give yourself grace. I’m working on that one, though grace is always tough (and balance too). But see, I thought I’d take less pictures or have less desire to document things this time around, but the reality is that I take WAY more, and while I definitely don’t document (written or otherwise) as much overall, I definitely feel like the memories that I strive to hold on to are more plentiful than ever because not only do we have a hilarious and creative four year old and a loud and cuddly one year old, but now we have the added dynamic of the two of them together. And the siblingness of it all is THE BEST.

Barely awake and done nursing, he crawled his way to cuddle Adelyn and fell asleep.

That all being said, my monthly updates for Elijah have been shorter, more concise (and therefore less time consuming) but I’ve been determined to at least make them and post them (that’s my balance). But as I’ve been hoping for the opportunity to start the blog back up a bit more (that’s where my balance becomes trickier) I decided that at the very least, I wanted to honor Elijah with his own post. Because believe it or not, just over a year ago, this kid made his way from one side of me to another.

I’m hoping to, at some point, write out his birth (more for fear of forgetting than anything) but I don’t think this one is the place for that. Because this baby is becoming less of one and it’s crazy fast and crazy awesome.

For a while, Elijah seemed so much like Adelyn. Minor differences, but nothing major. Both took pacifiers, both nursed well, both were mostly happy, both looked 100% like Jon and both instigated constant comments from others reminding me of such. Sure, Adelyn held our thumb to fall asleep, Elijah has mostly been rocked, We coslept off and on with Adelyn and from the beginning with Elijah. Adelyn was super social and Elijah began to show more bashfulness (earlier than Adelyn, but he still loves seeing people). But now, he’s one. And he’s coming into his own even more.

He’s loud. He screams. A lot. Mostly because that gets our attention and is his way to express dissatisfaction. Though we’re working on more sign language, and he’s finding his own ways to communicate, so screaming is slowly getting more and more reserved for when he decides nap is a bad idea. He now mostly hates his pacifier and only occasionally takes it when HE decides that going to sleep is maybe okay (and half of that time I think it’s a rouse to just get it to gnaw on and play with). His interest level in food is minimum (though satisfactory and increasing, but I definitely expected more excitement about it). He is amazingly cuddly. I think we’re also in a position to appreciate this more this time around, but when he is tired (and decides he’s actually okay with me not nursing him) he will lay his head on our shoulder or melt into our arm and rest and sometimes just cuddle himself to sleep. It’s pretty much the best thing ever. He is OBSESSED with Jon’s record player. No joke, he will go to it when it is off and make loud irritated noises while looking at us as though to communicate “dad! music! let’s see this thing spin!” We love it. We love less so him pushing the record player off balance, but we love that he loves it. And finally, he LOVES his big sister. The relationship between them is beautiful. Adelyn often wants to help cheer him up or calm him down. He is big enough now that they can actually play games together and fill the whole apartment with laughter. She wants to show him everything and help teach him anything. He sees her, smiles, and repeatedly calls her attention with “A-da, A-da, A-da.” He will scramble any way that he can in the carrier or stroller in order to keep his eye on her while she rides her bike or dances past. It’s strangely clear that he already understands that his relationship with her is different than his relationships with Jon or I. It’s almost sad realizing the uniqueness of something so beautiful that we can’t really be a part of, but also it’s incredible and so rewarding to know that, Lord willing, they will always have each other to fight with and to fight for.

Now for the basics. Elijah is a good ol’ 9.065 kg (no, I don’t know lbs. anymore) and 74cm (or inches either). He has 6 teeth, can stand and “cruise” and occasionally accidentally stands alone for a second. On average he seems more interested in being able to get around by himself (crawling) than to practice walking with us (though he clearly wants to walk and does a crab walk/crawl trying to keep up with his sister) He’s happy, curious, talkative, and loud. He loves hitting toys together and chasing after balls. He is finally eating more food and the added constipation makes for restless nights and strangely squirmy nursing sessions (and we think some of those random screams).
Favorite things: Adelyn, record player, balls, baths, getting his teeth brushed, anything that makes him laugh, and seeing new things to watch with intense curiosity.
Least favorite things. Mostly just doing anything he doesn’t want to when he doesn’t want to. Taking a nap? Sometimes totally okay. Changing clothes or diaper? Potentially not a problem. But other times, he will make sure you know that he is not down with it.

He is becoming more and more independent, opinionated, and vocal. I see a decisiveness in him that I envy and a huge capacity for love. He is our sweet boy and our love for him is endless.

We hadn’t gotten far in our birthday plans other than a visit from our family in Düsseldorf (a brother of mine, sister in law, and 3 kids) to celebrate shared April birthday season. But, uh, covid, yay. So that didn’t happen. However, we had a lovely zoom chat with some family, a bit of cake, and some minor presents (what little things we could find at the “essential” stores). It was a nice day to celebrate and probably most exciting for Adelyn to celebrate her baby brother.

Trouble deciding which gift to play with first.

Story time

Five years 🇹🇼 五年 🇩🇪 Fünf Jahre

Five years ago today, Jon and I, bravely, and naively, set out on the greatest adventure of our lives. I’m not talking about marriage or parenthood, though they themselves are some of the best adventures, but this adventure encompasses them all. Five years ago, we left our home in St. Louis, our family, our friends, and boarded the flight that would take us to our new home in Taiwan. I remember those first few days in Taiwan so clearly. We were both so utterly depressed and hopeless at times, trying hard to encourage the other when they were at their lowest. But the reality was, we both wondered if, and truly feared, we had made a huge mistake.

I have another post (this one) that wonderfully tells the tale of the days that followed and the beautiful story of how within the next 24 hours we found our church, our jobs, and our people that would sustain us for our time there. Taiwan, though difficult at times, so quickly and unexpectedly became home.

If you had asked me five years ago where I thought we would be, the answer would have likely entailed doing something back in St. Louis or Kansas City. There was and is the chance of joining the state department and being abroad for a time, but that takes time and preparation much of which would have been in the States. I certainly didn’t expect we would be living abroad, especially “still” and of course nowhere was on my radar but Taiwan at the time. So, Germany? Certainly too complicated. And boy was it ever. Without the help of my brother and sister-in-law living here, it would have been entirely impossible, and even then, it was one of the most difficult things we have ever done. Germany took the most intense of the feelings we felt our first two days in Taiwan and stretched them out over the next 9 months. Believing this could ever feel like home was a dream and one I never expected to come true. In complete contrast to Taiwan, it took us months to get visas, find jobs, start working. Months to find a home to call our own. Months to find our church and even longer to feel like we had found our people.

But we did. Every expat I know here talks about the unbelievable difficulties of feeling settled here. Jon and I easily agree that settling here was much more painful and challenging than it ever was in Taiwan for reasons you wouldn’t always expect. However, not unlike Taiwan, once you find your groove, the time suddenly speeds up. We lived in Taiwan for nearly 3 years and will equal that time here this summer. Germany sure took it’s precious time to welcome us home, but now I fully believe that it finally has.

Which leads to the overarching theme of our lives now: the most beautiful and painful thing that we have done to ourselves – the bittersweet reality that we have only gained in each place that we’ve gone: gained friends, memories, and growth as people. But simultaneously, we are always leaving just a little bit of ourselves behind. We have three amazing homes, three places we will always want to go back to, and three places that will never quite feel the same once we’ve left. Three homes, and none.

The life that we have chosen for ourselves is more beautiful and full than I could have ever imagined, but it always comes with a price. We will forever grow our family, our closest friends, a nd our most wonderful of experiences, but we will also always have to say goodbye. From the moment we left our families back home, we made goodbyes a forever part of our life. Completely clueless to the possibility that Taiwan could ever be so much a home to us, that leaving it would feel like it utterly broke me, doubtful that Germany could ever measure up, and now wondering how in the world we will ever one day say goodbye to the people and places here, while simultaneously yearning to be close to family and friends back home… I feel split among so many places and people, but I also feel like the choices we have made over the last 5 years have genuinely changed us both for the better and have made our lives richer and more wonderful and beautiful than we ever dreamed. Through all the ups, the downs, and the uncertainties, I wouldn’t change it or trade it for anything.

zwei Jahre (2 years!)

As I prepared to write this blog post (three months in advance so I could potentially actually post it “on time” – and I only ended up being a month late!) I started thinking through what I wanted to say about our daughter. I wrote and re-wrote so many things concerning the responsibility of being a parent and also feeling so grateful for the current “ease” (I use the term loosely) of raising our daughter. But nothing really seemed good enough because caring for a child feels like such a massive web of thoughts and emotions, and trying to sort through it all for the sake of a blog post feels impossible. So I decided to look back at what I wrote for her one year post – and to no surprise, the beauty, joy, and passion that I see so strongly in my daughter’s life today, was already so evident to us back then:

“…Our daughter is such a strong, ambitious, and passionate child. She is loud and outgoing and will make sure she is noticed. She is active nearly nonstop, ambitiously trying to do the impossible; (though she will still take frequent breaks for a hug and a cuddle). She loves to be scared and absolutely loves, loves, loves to laugh. She will dance the second she hears music and roar every time she sees a dinosaur. She is absurdly silly, incredibly determined, willfully stubborn, beautifully curious, and absolutely wonderful. She is so much trouble and so much fun.”

Very little has changed since then except that her personality has only grown louder, stronger, and sillier. She has grown more joyful, more curious, more active, and more stubborn. She is passionate and strong-willed; she is courageous, and yet, outspoken about her fears. While many days it can feel overwhelming, hard, or like ten times more work (for regular activities) to have a child, Jon and I have no doubt that we have more joy, more love, and more excitement in our lives because she is in it.

Wanting to be like momma. 🙂

Cooking with daddy.

We’re both wearing “glasses”

Cousins’ visit!

Because I love sleep pictures.

What’s new?
More and more and more words and phrases. I mean, this kid talks, and it’s amazing. I won’t elaborate on the usual since this is pretty typical child development, but I will add that this kid is learning multiple languages, and it’s so cool! For the time being, it doesn’t amount to much more than knowing a few words in German, Spanish, and Chinese. Unfortunately, neither of us are fluent in any of the above, so she doesn’t learn much Chinese and doesn’t know much German other than thank you (danke), bye (Tchuss) and playground (spielplatz – and actually, German is the only language she knows that word in). But Spanish! Well, currently we’ve only heard agua and zapatos on a semi-regular basis, but it’s amazing what she understands! Her tagesmutter speaks only spanish with the kiddos, and it’s always so fun to see her understanding and responding to her questions!

We finally have an “okay” from her doctor here regarding her weight and height! She has always been a small kid (well, since 4 months) but the doctor here wanted to be absolutely sure that she’s on par for her course and doing okay. It resulted in monthly checkups, some emotional struggles (on my end), and a tad bit of frustration, but her doctor is amazing and kind and listens and engages and she has come to the conclusion that all is well and we can stop monthly check ups and just keep a continual eye on her growth. I can’t tell you the relief that it is to hear a doctor say that – even if you know it’s okay yourself. And to be from a doctor that I’ve grown to trust and respect, it makes me feel even more confident that she IS okay.

Beyond that, I wouldn’t even know where to begin or end. Literally every day is something new. She can communicate so much, understands so much, and is learning how to express so much of what she is feeling and thinking. It. is. so. stinking. cool. (though slightly less cool when the emotional expressions end in her collapsing onto our bed because mom drank our of her cup or we told her to wait one second before we give her the third bowl of yogurt…. but still, expression is cool.)

Favorites
Trains
Her baby doll (whom she feeds, nurses, brushes teeth, wears, and puts to bed) – and her new baby stroller!
Talking
Spielplatz (playgrounds) – I mean we’ve reached the level of parenting where you take alternate routes so you don’t pass them when there’s no time to play… Not worth the potential meltdown.

Family time (with baby)

This kid is fearless when it comes to playing.

Looking at the trains coming into the station down below.

Watching for trains out the window on a train.

Note: Top right, is her pretend sleep like the people on the train.

For Adelyn’s birthday, we had a small get-together with some of our (and her) new friends here. With friends from church, commute-friends, and daycare friends, we had a great time celebrating her birthday at her favorite place: a spielplatz. 🙂

We were so happy to have two of Adelyn’s three daycare friends join us. She absolutely loves these guys.

Two years and one month update (because I’m posting this late and I already want to add things): The week after Adelyn turned two, it seemed she got the memo that she was older! We spent a week in France, and the whole time, Jon and I couldn’t stop commenting on how much taller she looked, how much more expressive she was, and how much more emotional as well! We have much stronger breakdowns to deal with at times, but we also have so much more fun seeing and hearing all that this kid can do and say. She loves singing loudly as we walk down the street, telling us about her day with her friends at the spielplatz, and being as fearless as ever (unless there’s say, a dog or a bird or even a moth in the vicinity… you know. scary things… ) She has learned so many new Spanish words and understands so much. We are amazed daily to see how she is growing and learning and are reminded daily that the extra work and exhaustion in life that comes from having a child is paid a hundred times over with the joy and love that she adds to it.

einundzwanzig Monate (21 months)

This gallery contains 35 photos.

As I’ve already written, our transition to Germany has been less than ideal. We’ve been here for almost six months and have encountered more ups, downs, and summersaults than we naturally expected. In the midst of it all though, we … Continue reading →

Germany

Six months in and it seemed that perhaps it was time for an update. I know what you’re thinking. “SIX MONTHS?! How in the world have you been there six months and left us hanging all this time??” Easy. Because it simultaneously feels like we’ve been here for merely a month and also forever.

Cutting right to the chase, moving to Germany has been almost nothing like we imagined. Aside from the fact that we work at the places we thought we would work and live in the city we expected to live in, literally nothing else has been the same. We thought we’d move sooner, then later. We thought Jon would work at a different place and then back to the first one. We thought Adelyn would be in one place and now she’s in another. Heck, the family we stayed with don’t even live nearby anymore (we literally all moved out of their house to different cities on the same day). While I’ll expand on some of those details down below, all that’s to say that Germany has been absurd. unbelievable. ridiculous. This move has been nothing like we expected and has dragged on way longer than we planned or hoped. But we’re here. And for the time being, I can say that we’ve made it. …so far.

Ok, ok, so let me explain:

The first couple months here were slow. molasses slow. waiting for holidays and meetings and landlords and paperwork and finally for visas. Jon’s visa had strange confusion and miscommunication that amounted to him having a temporary one so that he could finally work (after 3 months of not). Mine came a bit sooner and I started my job as an English TA at a kindergarten/daycare. Jon started at a freelancing business english company that implied that he’d potentially have way more hours than he was given. …not helpful. So then he started at a few others. Freelancing allows him to be contracted out with multiple places, so, no qualms there. Unfortunately, the main, most promising company required two weeks of training prior to working, and we had to wait another 2 months for that… BUT that finished last month and Jon has work now, yay!

We expected to only stay with my brother and sister-in-law for roughly 2-3 months at first, but visa delays and work issues complicated things. Fortunately, they love us and said we could stay as long as we needed to. Buuuuttt then they were moving, so we couldn’t. In a crazy turn of events, my sister-in-law got an awesome job opportunity in a city a couple hours north of here. Yay! but also boo. It’s great for them. But sad for us. Anyway, that sped things up a bit for us and after all landlords/listings either ignored us or told us the apartment was already taken, we were able to instead take over the place of some friends we met through my brother. So, as I said before, we helped Greg and Suzy and the kids load up one Sunday morning, then we loaded up and headed out in the afternoon. …on a holiday. similar to mardi gras. with a giant parade running through the city we were moving to making it impossible for us to get to our apartment in a timely fashion. but hey, we have an apartment now, hoorah!

Once we were moved and Jon was preparing for training, we needed a place for Adelyn during the day. Germany puts childcare as a legal responsibility on the city. Basically, Mannheim was required to find a place for her. Buuutt, they weren’t much help. After the help of many friends – both in watching her and helping us find a place for her – we found what’s called a Tagesmutter (Day Mom) in Heidelberg, about 20 minutes away. She’s great. Like, really great. Adelyn adores her and the other two children there.

We’re currently still in the process of trying to get a number of other things settled, most of which are a “two steps forward, one step back. …then two more steps back and maybe one more step forward’ kind of thing. It’s almost impressive how impossible it feels to get any of our “move” actually settled. Which of course is why it feels like we have been here forever as time drags on and we feel we’re making progress at a snail’s pace. But it’s also why the last six months have felt like mere weeks. It seems absurd that we still feel this new, this unsettled, after all this time.

Truth be told, this move, and all that it has encompassed, has been one of the most difficult things we’ve endured as a family and particularly for me, personally. The anger, uncertainty, anxiety, and heartache could take pages to lay out for you all. At times, being here in this country has felt simply impossible. But, here we are.
On the bright side of things, Jon has finally started getting more hours at work. My job, which has had its own ups and downs for me personally, is starting to feel not so bad. Adelyn has a tagesmutter that she loves (as do we), and that alone is a major relief. While we miss my brother and sister-in-law immensely, we are still cherishing the few months we stayed with them and look forward to many visits with them, both here and there, in the future. We have also found a church that we really enjoy. We’ve met many wonderful people there and feel it is a good home for us and for Adelyn. Jon is covered by incredible health insurance and has ALREADY received a brand new insulin pump FOR FREE since we’ve been here.

While I share all those joys with you all as part of an update on our life, I also write it as a reminder for myself of the good we’ve encountered here. There is truly so much for us to be thankful for, even in the midst of a ridiculous amount of struggles. But many days it has felt impossible to be thankful. This country has been hard. Harder than we ever imagined. There may be more detailed posts for sharing stories in the future, but simply put, “I hate it here” has left my lips more times than I care to admit. And I’ll confess right now that I do not, in fact, hate it here. But I have hated many moments and days here. While Jon and I joke fairly often that we feel unsure whether this country will let us stay, and while I can’t say that I share this sentiment in full confidence at all times, we do believe and hope that in another six months, we’ll have even more positive things to say about our time here.

With that, of course, we ask for prayers. We genuinely are so grateful for the point that we have finally come to now: working, having our own home and a place for Adelyn, having a good church, building relationships with great people, etc. We already feel indebted to so many people both here and overseas in all that they’ve done (and continue to do) to help get us through. However, we still have a little ways to go before we really feel like we can take a deep breath and feel “settled.” We pray for that ‘settlement’ of course, but we also, and mostly, ask for prayer for us. In all that we’ve encountered, overcome, and will encounter in the future, we ask for prayers for us as husband and wife, as parents, as employees, and as friends.
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7 month update 28/05/17 (because that’s how they write it here):
Things are finally feeling much more settled. We have kindergeld (literally “kid gold” – the allowance the gov’t gives you to help you care for your child) which has been a huge relief since it was both one of the biggest headaches and one of our greatest needs. Jon is working a ton, and he really enjoys it for the most part. My job is going alright, and while my commute is quite a bit longer and much more exhausting now that I take Adelyn to her daycare place, I have been loving that time with her, and we’ve also been meeting some fun people that make the same daily commute as us. Adelyn still loves her tagesmutter and is becoming good friends with the kids there. She is also becoming good friends with some of the kids from church – she loves nursery on Sunday mornings when all her buddies are there. For me, personally, I’m still having a hard time feeling “at home” here as much as I did in Taiwan (or back home obviously), but all in all, things are at least more ‘together’ for us right now. We still have so many things that feel incomplete, but most of it isn’t nearly as time-sensitive or stressful. We do still ask for prayers and support because life still feels hard, but we’re grateful for where we are now, and we’re hopeful for the time to come.

And now, pictures!

Viernheim

Viernheim

Weinheim family snow day

Christmas market in Mannheim.

Christmas tree buying! My first time getting a real Christmas tree!!

Weinheim in the snow.

Stuttes and Beitlings took a day trip to Strasbourg – the Capitol of Christmas

Strasbourg – the Capitol of Christmas

Cooking, baking, and eating together.

🙂

Our last family meal and group shot before we all moved to our respective new homes.

Our last cake and coffee outing at one of the small ‘cafes’ in Viernheim. I cherished these outings.

Our new apartment! I debated taking some updated pictures – it has changed a bit since these – but it’s still pretty bare bones and we have ambitions to fill it and decorate it eventually…. so you can have your updated pictures when that time comes…

Mannheim! Our new home.

Window views

Rainbow!

Heidelberg! Our “home -20 minutes- away from home”. These pics are just Altstadt near where Adelyn goes every day and where we frequent for a nearby day out.

Heidelberg in the snow.

Heidelberg

Heidelberg

aaaand Heidelberg

Milk tea in Heidelberg! It’s good, but it’s got nothing on Taiwan. 😦

Heidelberg from the castle gardens.

Heidelberg (from the castle) in the snow.

commuting.

Winter commuting.

this girl loves commuting. Trains, trams, and buses are just a few of her favorite things.